Feeling Overwhelmed...

Today I am feeling overwhelmed with everything taking place in my life.  There is so much uncertainty, especially in my relationship with Shawn.  I know that he does not need me in his life to continue with his dream.  All that is holding us together at this point is that we do still love each other, deeply.  We don't have meaningful conversations anymore - hell, we hardly have conversations at all.  I am scared to speak, not knowing what words will blow up in my face.  So I stay silent, and he spends all of his spare time looking at anything related to sailing.  At night we still hold each other and know that this touching is truly meant, not just another action that we do out of habit.  I NEED him.  His touch saves me, he is still sexy to me, and his kiss still melts me.  The thought of not being with him breaks my heart.  But his first love is now pursuing his dream to sail the world, and although he wants me there with him he will do it with or without me.  We were talking about his decisions to buy things, to move our finances and other things, without telling me or talking to me about it.  I told him that I feel that I am just HERE.  Not part of a partnership.  He feels that if he offers me a choice in our financial decisions I will "shoot him down".   I realized that we are not in a partnership, nor even a good marriage and I told him so.  We ended our night in silence, except to still tell each other we do love each other.  But it is not enough to sustain us.  

So what do we do - what do I do?  Send him away with my blessing and hope that one day he will understand that I did not want to hold him back, just that my dream and his weren't the same?  Hope that one day he will want to return to me?  Or send him out to do this thing and go to him occasionally?  All I know is that we cannot continue as we are.  Counseling has been suggested, but does not seem to be received with enthusiasm.  And just as we reached a point where we could arrange it, his work schedule has gone topsy turvy and we do not even know where we will be in a month.  But I can't live like this much longer - feeling like I am alone even when he is by my side.