Out With the Old and In With the New...

Here it is - the last day of 2016.  I am eager to put it behind me.  This year brought me some of the worst heartbreak of my life.  My husband of 18 years decided that I didn't fit in his life anymore and told me we should separate.  He also doesn't like me making my heartache public, but it is cathartic to put it all down and see it in black and white.  I can't shut it away like he can.  I can't bottle everything up and pretend it's ok.  As I see it, that is one of the reasons that we are where we are today. 

The love and support I have received from my family and so many of our friends has helped tremendously.  I know it is hard for some of them who love us both.  

2016 also brought many joyful occasions for me.  I saw my daughter married to a man who restored her belief in love.  I saw one of my biggest dreams realized when my son and his family came out for her wedding and I had all of my kids and grandkids together in one place for a few short days.  Over the summer my oldest granddaughter came out as she has done for the last few summers and I had the joy of her in my life again.  There is the steadfast support of my son, who has watched me dissolve in front of his eyes and helped pull me back together.  And there is the weekly joy of having my youngest granddaughter here for a few days.  Having her to focus on in those first weeks after Shawn declared our marriage lost saved me.  

So I sit here watching the sun set on the last day of this year.  I am alone in the sense that I have lost the love of my life, but I know now I will never ever be alone.  There is someone watching over me and I know I will be alright.  I'll be better than alright, because now I can focus on making myself better instead of trying desperately to be something I am not for someone who told me years ago that I would be second choice.  And I was.

So welcome 2017!  Let this be a new beginning for me!